Showing posts tagged with “personal”

Being attracted to a porn star is terrible. Like why. It’s so unrealistic.

Or maybe I just have very poor choice of men. I think it’s a bit of both.

Maybe a 30/70 type thing.

I just want to hang out with someone, smoke cigarettes, drink tequila and cry.

Can I just have platinum blonde hair now?
I just want a tattoo and platinum hair for christmas. seriously.
i need money :c

my mom told me to text you.
but i’m really just pissed off at you for no good reason i suppose.
i just am irritated and i am feeling awkward.
i don’t see my plans working out whatsoever so yeah.
well fuck.
i can’t wait for alana to get here. seriously.

Honestly, like I’d really like to get drunk or drink or whatever with my uh…few friends but I just can never do it. I have maybe one drink or a few shots unless I really love the taste of that alcohol. The only people I can like drink with and actually have fun is Alana and Tara. 

I hung out with an old um…good friend of mine and we kinda drank but idk. He said we barely put a dent in the tequila. Guess I’m just not much of a drinker /shrugs/ 

Oh welp. I haven’t really been enjoying sex much either. Well, to a point. It’s not fun for me unless I really care about the other person. Guess that’s a typical woman but who knows. 

Sorry for my 3am ramble. Fuck it. Who’s gonna read this anyway? lawl.

I just want to watch the blustery day for the rest of my life.
Then move somewhere that everyday is a blustery day.
And then dream of hephalumps and woozles.

like i’ve stated before.
all i want is a rocker dude with a beard and a big dick. 
who will have sex with me. trade playing zelda with me naked and make fun of me because i seriously suck at puzzles. then we play drunk mario party with no pants and have more sex. 

my demands are so simple.
fate is so cruel ;______; 

Depression does not always mean
Beautiful girls shattering at the wrists
A glorified, heroic battle for your sanity
Or mothers that never got the chance to say good-bye

Sometimes depression means
Not getting out of bed for three days
Because your feet refuse to believe
That they will not shatter upon impact with the floor

Sometimes depression means
That summoning the willpower
To go downstairs and do the laundry
Is the most impressive thing you accomplish that week

Sometimes depression means
Lying on the floor staring at the ceiling for hours
Because you cannot convince your body
That it is capable of movement

Sometimes depression means
Not being able to write for weeks
Because the only words you have to offer the world
Are trapped and drowning and I swear to God I’m trying

Sometimes depression means
That every single bone in your body aches
But you have to keep going through the motions
Because you are not allowed to call in to work depressed

Sometimes depression means
Ignoring every phone call for an entire month
Because yes, they have the right number
But you’re not the person they’re looking for, not anymore

— by "Alexandra" Tilton, NH (Teen Ink: November 2013 Issue)

(Source: capellinis)

i wish it mattered how i felt to you.
like it matters how you feel to me.
but i can sit in front of you and cry my eyes and out tell you you couldn’t possibly understand what i’ve been put through this last year and a half without you. the truth is i never want you to know how it feels, how i feel everyday when i wake up. i don’t want you to know how it feels to feel completely useless and worthless. i honestly don’t even know if you could feel that way since you aren’t a woman. 

i’m not one for feminism, but i’d sure as hell like to feel like there’s more to a woman than her breasts, her vagina and her uterus. you are an important person to someone and you can change their fucking world just by entering it. that someone out there just cannot fucking imagine life without you, that they don’t understand how they thought they were happy before you. that they don’t even remember life before you because it doesn’t fucking matter. 

i think i’ve been romanticized by all the bullshit my dad tells me about mom. i know he means it as best as he could and i know he’s fucked up and she’s fucked up and neither of them are perfect but they’re perfect for each other and that they finally found someone who fits to them. 

i’m not asking for much i feel i guess. and i know i’m young and blah blah bullshit mother fucking blah. 

i’d love to meet a man that yells back at me and puts me in my place when i’m clearly wrong and being stupid and irrational. because i’m often stupid and irrational. but i’ve yet to meet someone who will just accept the strength of a person that i am. 

they’re either intimidated and back down or run away. 
or in one lovely fucking case they completely broke me down and convinced me if i didn’t change no one would like me and i’d be forever alone and without anyone to love me. or whatever. 
and then he left. smooth fucking move. 
and yes i’m talking shit about you fuckhole, suck a dick. if you’re reading this, get over yourself. 
if you’re not, i’m known to talk to myself. i have this blog don’t i? 
most of the time i’m talking to myself anyway so fuck it. 

i’m not that bad. i’m not that intimidating and i’m not that scary.
i know i’m beautiful. i know i’m strong. i know things will get better.
i’m just fucking impatient. so what? i’m 21. sue me.

I’m still angry with you.
I won’t be letting things go super easily and quickly now. You have never even apologized to me or acknowledged your behavior. Just acted like things never happened.
You can’t just pretend things didn’t happen. Grow Up and take responsibility for your behavior good or bad. Haven’t you seen me do so on many occassions when I’ve wronged you?